I Knew, but I didn’t Know
Before mom and dad life started five years back, Sarah and I had the discussion that all expecting parents have. Do we find out or don’t we? We each had our preferences but together we had not yet, at that time, settled on a position.
My preference was to wait. My heels were not dug in and neither were Sarah’s. We laid out our various opinions and rationales over the course of many conversations. I remember one discussion in particular where Sarah asked pointedly why I was so sure I could wait patiently? Why I was so compelled to wait, and why I was so at peace with that course of action? I was as succinct in making a point as I have ever been in my life. I looked at her and said
I want my dad adventure to begin the moment we meet our baby. That exact moment. Not a minute sooner. I want our journeys to begin together.#thisdadslife a.k.a. me
To her everlasting credit Sarah reflected a few seconds and said “Ok”.
Not a vague, never, I mean NEVER send via text cause it could mean literally anything OK, “Ok”.
A wonderful, perfectly timed and toned, two-syllable summation of total support, understanding and solidarity OK, “Ok”.
I Knew, but I didn’t Know: Part II -This time its personal
So 4:42-ish October 23, 2014 the doctor holds up this wailing, oddly-purple, itty-bitty, wonderful baby.
“Ok dad, want to tell mom”
With all the confidence of conversing in German with Frau Gruber first day after spring break, late second semester senior year I stammer…
“Uhh.., it’s a girl…?” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯Very tired 4:00 am dad. a.k.a. me
“Yes” the doctor answered in a tone two standard deviations more wry than peak John Cleese. “It’s a girl”.
So I did know about my little girl!
Apparently I just didn’t know $#%^ about anatomy.
Ego face-plant gender reveal to mom not an ideal start to our “adventure”. Sarah was all sorts of drugged up so I got off easy. In my defense it was quite literally a once-to-that-point-in-my-lifetime experience and four in the morning. Cut a new dad some slack.
I didn’t know what I didn’t know
My soul might have signaled little girl but I could never anticipated all that is Katherine Helen Wiegert.
I could never prepared for Kate’s first hiccups, her first infinitesimal (pun intended) display of distress to deep-dive into my soul like she was little James Cameron searching for the Titanic.
Nothing prepared me for the first time Kate said “dad”
Noting prepared me for the first time she went 16 minutes without saying “dad’.
Kate’s giggles and laughs to me are pure as the Hillary first touched snow summit day May, ’53. (NOTE: I work as hard at my #dadjokes & #dadsilly craft as Edmund did his).
Kate wrapped in her little papus breathes so tiny as to prompt a dad check every nine minutes like the cutest snooze button ever.
Kate’s thousand watt face when we wear our matching Christmas Jams.
The first time in the baby-swing belly giggles to the , push me dad, to the now arched-back, legs-straight, arms-tight, “Look how high I am dad” confidence personified angel.
I knew my life would change with my little girl.
I categorically did not have an inkling of a hint of a clue how much joy Kate would bring into my life
Five laps around the sun with my Kate. Five amazing, unforgettable laps.