Baby Germs = SWMFD
“Snotty Weapons Mutual Family Downtime”
How often does a movie come out where we see the computer generated germs dance from person to person. Foretelling the movie hospital beds stacked to capacity, and the hero self injecting the anti-virus in the final act to save the day.
The real script for these Hollywood scare fests should be the following:
Open: Two sweet, innocent kids sneezing within about five feet of each other.
Zoom in to ominous green trickle of snot down kids nose as he looks back at us over dads shoulder.
Cut to: It begins. “Just need a nap” mom says. “Just need a Claritin, spring allergies” says dad. The baby sneezes. The baby cries. No going back now.
Day 1: Mom is down. Room is dark. OJ and Gatorade are disappearing by the gallon. Dad looks at the last can of chicken noodle soup with desperation. Baby sneezes. Mom sneezes. Dad sneezes. Looks up and he knows.
Day 2: Zombie moms and dads wearing the wounds of overly blown noses and three day old laundry. Smells and sounds coming from sick baby that makes the family pets cower under the couch.
Day 3: Walgreen’s is a disaster. Social norms and niceties replaced by the most base urges and instincts for survival. Scratching, crawling, biting for the last drops of knock-off NyQuil. Life is cheap and mom needs those saltines. Dad does what he has to do.
Day 4: Grandma and Grandpa are in their hazmat suits walking around and helping as best they can. As a family we will get through. “It will be fine” they say. “It is just a cold, every baby gets one”.
Zoom in: Grandma has that little sniffle and the audience knows. She got it too
Cut to shot from above: “NOOOOOOO……”
Fade to credits.
Ok. A bit dramatic…
Just a new dads rant after first weekend with sick kid, sick mom, and sick myself. It was nothing like the above story. It just felt that way. New parents are wimps.
P.S. Thank you for reading.
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